Ersatz Strength

          You’ll have to excuse this week’s blog which is more of a release of frustration through stream of consciousness than anything else.  After experiencing a bit of rudeness at the library, my brain went into tirade mode.

Let us begin with a quote from Edmund Burke:  “Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.” 

Working on my laptop in the library, my research train of thought was interrupted by a cell phone broadcasting a Broadway tune.   The woman at the table next to mine proceeded to answer and carry on fifteen minutes of laughing and light-hearted conversation.  I add this last bit of information in the event you might be under the delusion that an emergency or near-emergency was the reason behind the conversation.   How on earth has engaging in a loud or otherwise phone conversation become acceptable library behavior? 

Movie theater owners and managers no doubt are fully aware why many of us avoid the movies these days.  Yes, of course, the ticket prices are ridiculous, but, over and above that, who wants to pay $10.00 and up to watch a movie that is intruded upon by those who are bound to the incus and stapes by their cells or androids.  Each perpetrator believes in their exceptionality; that their call and/or text message is the most important and good grief, it’s only for a minute so what’s the big deal.  Why this sense of entitlement and importance that whatever you want to say supersedes the enjoyment of the rest of the viewing audience?   

Rudeness resides not only in the realm of a cell phone user. 

Reams have already been written in blogs and online articles about that damned airline seat.  Reclining a bit is one thing; but reclining into another person’s lap is quite another.  Do not give me that hoo-haw about the airlines being at fault because of cramming the seats together to make more money per flight.  Yeah, be rude to the passenger behind you, and then blame your own rudeness on an entity that is not experiencing the effect of  your rudeness.   How on earth could anyone remotely believe that another human being would appreciate an accumulation of his or her dandruff flakes in their lap? 

Could also someone please explain to me why a person would walk in the door of a store, any store, and then stop; just stop dead.  If deciding upon which direction to go overtaxes ones brain so much that it leads to physical paralysis, before that paralysis completely sets in, move to the side until the phase passes.  Why stop at the front door, top or bottom of the escalator or stairs, and create a back-up of people who know where they want to go? 

Who among us has not encountered the shopper in a grocery store who insists on blocking the aisle with his cart.  I saw one shopper consistently do this as she walked her way down three aisles. Then when you try to get around the hogwart (my new use and definition of the word) by saying “Excuse me” they look at you as if amazed that they are not the only shopper in the store.   

While we are still at the grocery store, would someone explain to me the philosophy of waiting until your items are completely bagged before even pulling out your wallet or opening your purse?  Are these people somehow expecting the store to give them their groceries out of the goodness of its heart?  Are they surprised that they have to pay?  Yes, you want to watch the cashier as your selections are rung up, but what is the excuse after everything has been rung up and groceries are bagged?  THEN you first take out your wallet and look at the total? 

Since I wrote about bad driving a couple of months ago, we will not go there today.  I will say, however,  that if I ever see you park in a handicapped spot without displaying that handicap placard, you will experience my wrath. 

 

Are people really deaf to the cellophane rustling as they unwrap their pieces of candy at a concert or movie?  What on earth possesses a person to continually unwrap one piece after another after another after another?  If you know that you need to suck on cellophane-wrapped lemon drops the entire evening, then for heaven’s sake, unwrap the lemon drops before the program begins. 

Rudeness is defined as: lacking the graces and refinement of civilized life; uncouth.  The old Sid Caesar Show once had a skit in which Caesar played a gangster who was spurned by his girlfriend.  "You are so uncouth" she told him in her rejection.  He turned around to one of his minions to order "Couth.  Go out and buy me some couth."  Would that it were that simple!

Many words have already been written, many words have already been spoken, about the generations of parents who spawned a new generation of self-centered narcissistic can-do-no-wrong I’m-always-right children.  I do not blame the generation raised this way; I feel sorry for them that their parents did not love them enough to teach them the quality of empathy which shows itself in just plain civilized behavior.  

Perhaps the economic crises we have endured these last dozen years have contributed to the rudeness disease.  People are so caught up in their own serious financial difficulties that this is all they can see, their own financial problems.  Certainly, feeling that inner panic and the consequences of losing your home, losing your savings, losing your standard of living, can place one in such a different world that all you can think is “what am I going to do.” 

Yet, is this really a good excuse for the rudeness disease?  An elderly person pointed out to me once that the country has gone through economic crises before, speaking specifically of the Depression of the 1930s.  I responded that a major difference between the Depression of the 1930s and the Recession of the 21^st Century (no one wants to call it a Depression), is that back then, back in the 1930s, people really cared about each other; they cared about their neighbors; they shared the food on their tables with strangers.  Today, yes, people will give money in response to a natural or man-made disaster, but when was the last time any of us shared our own food with someone we knew, or even suspected, was in trouble.   

The rudeness, the disconnection, the self-centeredness are part of the same pollution of narcissism that seems to be sweeping most parts of this world.  Yes, of course, there are exceptions and without a doubt we all know more than one exception; but it is pretty pathetic that the exceptions are outnumbered by what has come to be accepted as normal every day behavior. 

So, what is the answer?  How can we tilt not merely our own society, but all of our fellow men and women, towards the practice of empathy?  How do we tilt our behavior to the civilized side of the line?  How do we stop the malaise of rudeness?   

All I can say is that nothing will change, and it will even get worse, until we start to look at each other, I mean really look, and see ourselves reflected in another being.  Of course, to see ourselves reflected in another being, and respect that other being, means that firstly we have to respect ourselves. 

Perhaps therein lies the problem.

 

 

Until next time, LLAP!